Mike’s Prattle

Miscellaneous

Epiphanies

Posted by Mike on October 7, 2011

On September 24th I experienced the most profound series of events of my life. I’ve been spiritually minded since about 1998 but it wasn’t until 2003 that I started on the path I’m on now. This hasn’t even been remotely easy, and I’ve periodically gone through incredibly traumatic periods without even knowing how closely connected they were the path I was walking, the last year being by far the worst of these periods. And through all these periods I really had no idea what was going through, what I was really yearning for from the very center of my being.

And in one morning everything changed, the realization (kabbalistically) of a numinous experience led to what was essentially the type of mystical experience that you usually hear about and (usually) never experience. The sheer bliss of it lasted for days, yet the consciousness change seems permanent. The nature of my relationship with everyone I know seems to have changed. The bad ones are amazingly … absent. The problematic ones aren’t problematic. I’m operating much closer to center than I was, I’m not accepting false images of myself as truth and most importantly it’s not that the grief is gone, it isn’t, it’s just in its proper place and not dominating my tree like some sort of monster. I can be sad about circumstances, but it’s not tearing me up from the inside.

Of course in realizing that the images of the people you know aren’t necessarily you at all, the greater realization is that you’re just as busy creating your own images of others. When your image of someone you know is close to what you imagine your missing piece is, things can get severely problematic. Part of this is charging a person with this powerful of an image brings with it a numinosity that just increases the archetypal and mythological nature of the situation. For me, this was intensely powerful, I went (and am still going) through months of synchronicities, some of them paradigm shattering.

Now I didn’t come to all of this on my own, after the experience I contacted someone more experienced in my path who had already helped me via writing who brought a lot of this awareness to me. I can’t begin to express how helpful this was. The Golden Dawn community has its own blinds, distractions and negativity, but I think if you pay attention long enough it’s pretty easy to separate those living the hermetic and Rosicirucian philosophy from those who aren’t. I pay particular attention to the very few writers who discuss the GD experience as a psychological one because it’s largely how I experience it. That is, this isn’t just a philosophy or set of ideas, it’s a truth that changes you from the inside out and leaves nothing unaffected.

When I think of a Golden Dawn aspirant or adept, I’m not thinking of the person who spent the last two days meticulously writing  a rebuttal five times along as the article he was rebutting. I’m thinking of someone who has already passed through the same level of grief and turmoil I have and has found a way to transcend this and can share their wisdom and understanding of that experience with those who are still struggling with it. Because if you’re on this path and you’re doing the work the changes in your personal life are massive, often frightening and destructive and if you’re not understanding it, there’s no way anyone you know is either.

Anyway, I’m deeply honored to be part of this whole thing. Working for this level was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it also had the greatest payoff. Most importantly is having that knowing that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and that you can do anything you want to.

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